My Sons’ Death was a Springboard: Part Three

1. The human condition,

2. The power of relationship,

3. The gift of a day

My sons’ death gave me deeper understanding of these three things. Today I share with you #3… Open my eyes, to see people as you see them…. continued:

This day, each day, is a gift. And, I never fully appreciated this until the day my tears fell upon the still chest of my dead son; I yearned for just one more day… one more day to hug him, say I love you, and give him opportunity to know how much he was loved by us and by God.

I am more aware now of the gift of a day and regret my actions when I forget it. We are all called to make the most of our time, as it is said: “live like there’s no tomorrow!” That does not mean do everything you can to please your self with pleasures – the meaning of “living like there’s no tomorrow,” I think, is to cherish each minute of each day and purpose to speak truth and love into each human you are privileged to cross paths with. Your word of encouragement could save a life… sharing your supper could speak value into another’s heart… you being there no matter what, could assure another that life is still worth living; this is the gift of a day – one more chance. 

This is why I go on about my sons’ accidental death to overdose. I go on and on and share and repeat my stories like a toddler who sits on the lap of a mother and says, read it again! So that I remember, so that others are reminded and remember, and so that we all may not forget the understanding of the human condition, the power of relationships, and the gift of a day.

Yes, I have been spring-boarded into deeper understanding; my heart aches for my son who has gone to heaven, but I am grateful for the heart lessons I am learning and for beginning to truly see people, as God sees people – in need of love and compassion and help… in need of a Savior.

Look up and walk forward. One day we will each give account for what we have done on this earth – are you ready for that?

“Grief; Get over it and Move on…”

Grief; get over it and move on…” This statement, sometimes accompanied by the coy-inpatient look, even without speaking the exact words, is both feared and despised by those of us who have lost a son or a daughter to a substance, overdose death.
You don’t know, until you know.  So don’t presume to know when someone should get over their grief and move on.
The fact that this mom is even out of bed and moving at all, is an accomplishment on some days…
…because GRIEF, never goes away.
This is my battle with grief; this is about my son.

I am in the egg that sizzles in the pan with a pop and a splat;
I am among the crumbs left strewn across the counter with drips of hot butter trailing off the counter.
When the moon is heavily misted, on a cool night, I am there in the exhaled puff of your breath,
And in the rise of tiny goosebumps.

I roll in your mind like the ocean tide that breaks on the pebbled beach,
tossed over and over and over.
As the farm supply truck passes by,
And the bearded friends walk past, I am there too.

I am in the lulls and quiet places; Always in the holding bear hugs.
In the chuckles and giggles…
In the cannonball jumps…
In the flipping of the anticipated burgers, and the crackles of the bonfire, I am present.

Body, mind, and heart remember me.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Another day,
each day,
today;
I am always as close as the warm, sweet, milk breath of an infant sleeping on a momma’s bare breast.

As the shades of night are pulled,
And when the dawn awakens with the song of the mockingbird,
I settle in upon e v e r y t h i n g.
In the trash piled by the backdoor,
In the gritty grind of the stones underfoot,
and in each clomping step up the bare wood stairs.

The measure of love is immeasurable,
unable to be weighed and counted because I am always pressing.
Grief matches the love.
I am in it all.
Especially when the refrigerator door is left open.

So, you see…
There’s no getting over my grief because memories are everywhere.

Move on? I do.

Every day I get out of bed and do life as it unrolls before me and I live; I live with the grief undergirding my experience of everything in my path, it has become part of my DNA. My way of living is forever changed and I may walk slower than before, I may forget the to-do’s and ignore the insignificant, I may choose a different path than everyone is expecting. Fact.

No. Grief never goes away. Even when I smile, or laugh, and look as if all is well, know…that at any moment, a lump is in my throat, a tear is trickling, or a good cry is on it’s way.

If you know someone like me, be patient, be understanding, and be ever so tender. Treat others the way you would want to be treated if the tables were turned. Just do me a favor, do not tell your grieving family member or friend to, “Get over it and move on…